The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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