im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
