Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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