He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
