if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
