there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
