good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The uberlube is also flammable
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
