ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
