Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
