i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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