he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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