in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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