I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
