you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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