i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
