So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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