Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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