I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
