he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
