he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
