this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
