she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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