I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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