The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
