I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
