dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
