By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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