Betty ford says i'm here all night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
