SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
