i need an iv and a liver transplant
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
