his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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