can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
