I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
