i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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