what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
