Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
