Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
