i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
