Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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