I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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