She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
