It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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