he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize