We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
