Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
