it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
