Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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