I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
do nipples grow back?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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