My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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