So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
