Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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