I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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