I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
