Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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