to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
