He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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