onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
