you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
