hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
