i was born a porn star she said
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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