Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize