I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
