Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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