Can i not drive my cunt home
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
