I wish my penis had an off switch
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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