im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
