i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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