Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What a dumb baby whore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize