wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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