he told me I talked like a deaf person
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Found your dick twin last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
