Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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