NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
