if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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