So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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