My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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